如果纯讨论自己挑选的情况，只看朋友和恋人。
越熟悉，越在乎的人：
- 可能较难与陌生人流畅自然地讨论深度话题
- 或者成长环境造成对陌生人较有戒心（Lesley）
- 所以有可以熟悉信赖的人，就会更加珍惜
- 即使在一段关系的自然进展中产生问题，也会想办法解决，因为失去一段关系的代价比发展一段新关系更大
越熟悉，越不在乎的人：
- 可能随便和谁都能聊得很自如很嗨
- 对陌生人和朋友的亲近度可能没什么太大的区别
- 因为只要有人能参与深度讨论、并提出有效意见就得以满足交流需求，是否来自某个特定的人并不特别重要
- 对人容易感到厌倦。
- 为什么？
- 因为比朋友更熟悉也获得不了更多满足感，所以在自然产生更多问题的时候，去解决这个问题的难度也许比发展一段新的关系还大
- 比普通朋友更熟悉，能够获取满足感的方面有哪些？
- the feeling of love
- 爱这个词太宏观太抽象，具体到其他点
- the privilege to know a person very deeply
- 并没有觉得很了解一个人是一种特权，为什么一定要很了解一个人？有什么好处？
- to have someone that will have your back whatever happens
- 可能不习惯也不愿意依赖他人，觉得这是个弱点而非美德，因而难以因为『对方真心诚意愿意帮助并支持我』获得快乐
- 因为觉得依赖他人是负面的，当对方想要依赖他的时候可能也不会因为觉得被信任而快乐，也许甚至有反作用
- having someone ready to share with you important life moment and support you
- 普通朋友已经可以分享重要的事情，支持同上
- having someone that knows you well enough to make you happy easily
- 新朋友，什么都是新鲜的，还没有旧问题，为什么不会更开心？
- 这种特定的开心来自于信任和亲近
- trust and confidence
- 可能比较自然容易信任陌生人
- 至于confidence，普通朋友也可以做到
- closer, attachment and commitment
- 没有以上满足感的支持，这些只会带来恐慌，因为更近并没有更快乐
Quote: why stay?
It takes a lot of time to get to that higher level of happiness with someone and so you may need to invest a lot of time getting close to someone else to be super happy with them. So you would be spending time in a situation that and not even be sure it would bring you a lot of happiness and that would take time away from the interaction you have with you partner which you know brings a lot of happiness.
The world is a tough place sometimes. Marriage, if you do it right, means that there is always someone in your life who cares about you and your happiness more than they care about their own. Who's got your back. Who is loyal, who will look out for you and defend you if necessary, who will think of you first.
Partnership: I have someone who will always have my back, even when I'm wrong. If I make a mistake, I have someone who will help me. If something happens to me, I have someone I trust to make sure our two girls grow up to be happy, healthy women.
Understanding: We've been married for 16 years, and we've known each other for about 25 years. We KNOW each other. I know how he's changed and grown up from the 17 year old boy I first met. We've known each other through crazy periods and through boring times. There is really something special about being with someone who has seen you when you are sick, cranky, crazy, depressed, has been with you when you haven't showered in four days and covered with various baby fluids, and still thinks you're pretty. I know I don't have to be perfect for him to love me -- but I try really hard anyway. :)
People like to be able to rely on someone else and depend on them. They become attached.
两个反复出现的主题，互相支持与深度了解。
可是为什么想要呢？
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