想要被关注

正好看到playful parenting里讲的同一件事。

引用：I hate the phrase, "He was just looking for attention." For years, the standard advice has been to ignore such behaviour. I don't get that. We don't say, "He keeps asking for food, but just ignore him; he's only saying that because he's hungry." We don't say, "Your cup is empty, so I'll make sure you don't get a refill." If someone is looking for attention that bad, I figure they must need some attention! If we give them enough of the good kind, they won't be so desperate that they'll settle for the bad kind.

如果在成年人身上看到同样的『渴望关注、希望被注意到』，一样是因为被在乎的需求没有得到满足。至于『想要很多赞、想要被羡慕嫉妒恨』，已经是太久得不到善意的关注，转而希求不好的关注了。

为什么父母会反感孩子这样的哀求？

一般是父母自己有未调解的需求，但是又不懂得以明确表达需求的方式与主要依赖对象交流，而归结为自己 is just looking for attention。一方面需求未能满足，一方面又由于过于强调独立而反感自己的『不够独立』，所以当孩子表达出同样的需求成为导火索时，只能把这种挫败感发泄到他们身上。

Assume good intention.

Because when it's not, it's because they don't know how to express their need, or even are aware of its existence.