喜欢我什么？

之前看阿茨海默和阿尔吉侬的书考虑的问题：把哪一点拿掉，我就不是我了？然后前两天看到这个回答：

『I’m not saying my son should marry a woman he’s not attracted to; I’m just saying that this whole idea of looking for traits before meeting an actual person is a big mistake. It’s even a mistake to talk about the traits you like—to frame getting married as a search for traits: “I like tall girls with red hair… I like funny women with advanced degrees…” There are no tall girls with red hair or funny women with advanced degrees. There are just specific people—some of whom may be funny, have advanced degrees, be tall, and have red hair.

I’m not going to purposefully seek out tomato dishes, because, in general, I don’t like them. But life isn’t played out in the general; life is in the specifics. It’s very possible I’ll surprise myself in the future by liking other tomato-based dishes.

But that won’t happen if I refuse to try: if I decide, ahead of time, that tomatoes aren’t the traits I’m looking for—that they’re absolutely not my type.

Perhaps I’m a hypocrite: perhaps I wouldn’t have fallen for her if she’d been less smart or less attractive. My point isn’t that those traits had no influence. They may have influenced me to a large or small degree, but I didn’t consciously seek them out. I didn’t consciously seek anything out. I just met people, made friends, and eventually something happened.

That’s what I’d tell my son to do: don’t look for a wife. Meet people and make friends. Get married when you realize there’s mutual attraction between you and a friend—a friend you love being around for hours, days, and weeks on end.』

就像p说的一样，独特的人。是去了解这个人，不是去了解一个特质。