PEOPLE ARE COMPLEX

只要在亞洲，哪怕只是待十幾天，就總有種『一條標準線判斷』感。無論大街上遇到什麼人，總有一種默認『他一定會羨慕/喜歡這樣的臉蛋，這樣的身材，這樣的工作，這樣的薪水』的感覺。

而在這兒，大街上什麼形狀的人都有。想要什麼的都有。每個人都是複雜的個體，喜歡的東西、被怎樣的人吸引、想要追求的東西都不一樣。

前兩天在看一本關於CBT的書，倒是這一句讓我覺得突然放下了什麼。

Consider the following two scenarios: 

Malcolm has an anger problem. He puts unreasonable demands on his wife and children to never get on his nerves. He has a bad day at work and comes home to find no dinner on the table and his two young children playing noisily in the sitting room. Malcolm shouts at his wife and slaps her. He calls his children names and hits them. His family is afraid and upset. This happens on a regular basis.

Fiona works in a shoe shop. She’s been stealing money from the till to buy alcohol and codeine-based painkillers. Usually, she takes the tablets throughout the day and drinks heavily in the evenings, until she passes out. Lately, she’s called in sick to work more often because she has terrible hangovers and feels very depressed. Fiona often calls herself a ‘useless drunk’ and ‘a low-life thief’, and then drinks more to stop herself thinking. She works hard to hide her drinking and stealing, and feels ashamed of herself most of the time.

Are Malcolm and Fiona bad people, or are they just currently exhibiting bad behaviours? If you condemn Malcolm or Fiona – or, indeed, yourself – as a ‘bad person’ on the basis of bad behaviour, you’re missing the point that a person is more complex than a single act.

You may be able, to some degree, to measure specific aspects of yourself, such as how tall you are, but you’ll never manage to rate the whole of yourself because you’re too complex and continuously changing.

然後前天跟一個新朋友去露天溜冰場玩，對方問，你覺得我怎樣？

我說，明顯很聰明，說話慢慢的，喜歡戶外活動。

對方又追問，那是好還是不好呢？

一下給我問愣了，然後我比劃著解釋，每個人都有那麼多豐富多彩的方面，各種奇怪有趣的個性和習慣，不管拿什麼準線來評判都不公平。

哎。Turning point.