柔韧

我很不擅长对一件事情全身心地付出。

一般我应对不确定状况的方法是想办法说服自己我其实并不在乎，那东西我并不想要，是否得到并不是很重要，所以『只要心情好在状态的时候做做就好，顺其自然就好』。经过多年练习，我也很擅长说服自己不在乎。所以既然不用全身心付出，也就不必承认『即使用尽全力也做不到』，不必受到打击跟伤害。我本身的执行力，加上耍耍小聪明，也都过得去，还做得不错。

而当一件事情太重要，我无法说服自己不在乎它的时候，我就当机了。不正视的话我可以直接略过对这件事情的所有思考，因为太痛苦，连想都没法想，思维直接滑开，最后还得咬牙坐下来告诉自己：好。现在开始，给我想。

为什么这么害怕？

想到前两天看的小说里，

She watches Mike, too, sees the way he glows when Harvey is affectionate, the way he unfolds around people he trusts, because it's not like Mike has had an easy life either. She envies his ability to throw himself into something, not knowing the outcome, especially because of his past. She can't do that nearly as well, and neither can Harvey, but Mike has a certain fearlessness -- like a core he knows will always be his no matter how many times he gets hurt.

想到z说的『抗压、体系、算法本身……』然后想到josh说的，草叶风吹低头而不是刚硬被折断。那核心部分是一种系统性的安全感吗？无论外界发生什么都无法撼动。

我想要学着：

• 承认在乎
• 对在乎的事情付出，即使不知道结果如何
• 对在乎的事情付出全身心的努力

对我来说好难。承认在乎不是弱点。这需要勇气。

这需要：

• 承认在乎的勇气
• 避风的港湾：『I think this mother should give her son a hug. If he is crying, let him cry on her shoulder. She should tell him how proud of him she is. She can tell Danny that it is okay to be sad, that she understands and that she loves him. Disappointment is a part of the road to greatness. When a few moments pass, in a quiet voice, she can ask Danny if he knows what happened in the game. Hopefully the language between parent and child will already be established so Danny knows his mom is asking about psychology, not chess.』
• 关注点：Danny’s mom can help him internalise a process-first approach by making her everyday feedback respond to effort over results. She should praise good concentration, a good day’s work, a lesson learned. When he wins a tournament game, the spotlight should be on the road to that moment and beyond as opposed to the glory.
• 全力付出的勇气：We need to put ourselves out there, give it our all, and reap the lesson, win or lose. The fact of the matter is that there will be nothing learned from any challenge in which we don’t try our hardest. Growth comes at the point of resistance. We learn by pushing ourselves and finding what really lies at the outer reaches of our abilities.
• 安全感：知道自己受伤、失败，最核心的那一部分也永远不会被影响到。A core I know will always be mine no matter how many time I get hurt. 我会学习。会更柔韧。

重要的是，我想要柔韧而非刚强的系统。

Admit that I care. And then put myself out there, give it my all, and reap the lesson, win or lose.

This is hard. But it can be a conscious decision.

先承认自己不擅长，对自己宽容点。